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Hit Me Baby, One More Time: A Beginner’s Guide to Impact Play

Hit Me Baby, One More Time: A Beginner’s Guide to Impact Play

What is Impact Play?

If you’ve ever playfully spanked your partner’s bottom, you’ve engaged in impact play! Impact play is a form of consensual BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, and Sadism, Masochism) play that involves striking a partner. Beyond the physical sensations, impact play allows partners to explore trust, communication, and pleasure. The goal is not to cause harm, but to explore boundaries, deepen intimacy, and strengthen your bond. BDSM may be more common than you think, with one study reporting that 47% of adults have experimented with at least one aspect of BDSM [1].

It can range from light tapping with an open hand to kicking, forceful strikes with paddles, or whatever individual comfort level and desire dictates. 

Why Try Impact Play?

Reasons for engaging with impact play are deeply personal. It may seem counterintuitive when folks experience pleasure and euphoria by striking or being struck by their partner, but for some people, impact play can create a sense of emotional release, stress relief, or feelings of empowerment. 

One psychological explanation for the delight that comes from impact play is related to the incentive-sensitization theory, which suggests that repeated exposure to stimulation, such as pain, may activate neural pathways related to pleasure. 

Endorphins and neurotransmitters may also contribute to experiencing pain as pleasure. When we experience physical or psychological distress, the body releases endorphins to ease discomfort. Endorphins attach to opioid receptors in the brain, diminishing sensations of pain and creating pleasure and contentment [2]. 

Plus, BDSM play relies on high levels of communication, trust, and consent, which can lead to enhanced well-being and closer relationships.

Types of Impact Play: Thuddy Versus Stingy

Different toys create varying sensations, and some sensations might appeal to you more than others. Some impacts create more of a “thud,” while others create a “sting.” Thuddy play typically involves a wide, thick, heavy, or padded toy that creates a dull, thudding, deep sensation. Stingy sensations are typically created by a thinner, lighter toy, resulting in sharp, stinging sensations on the skin. 

It’s important to note that sensation is also related to the way the striking partner uses the toy.

Greatest Hits: BDSM Toys & Tools for Impact Play

Impact play can be performed with the aid of BDSM toys like floggers, paddles, whips, or canes to heighten your experience. You can shop bondage gear here.

Hands & Feet

Feeling a little slap happy? Our hands and feet are nature’s impact play tools. You can administer taps or slaps with an open hand, thudding blows with a closed fist, and some folks even enjoy a kick to the crotch. You can even use special gloves like this Spiked Sensory Glove from Sportsheets.

Pro Tip: If you’re new to BDSM, consider taking a class with your local kink educator in order to learn about best practices, safety and more.

Floggers

A flogger typically has a long handle attached to multiple tails, called falls. It typically also has a wrist loop at the end that doubles as an easy way to hang up the toy for storage. Falls should be soft and flexible, typically made of leather or faux leather. Start by taking a firm stance with your feet shoulder-width apart, firmly gripping the handle of the flogger, and gently practicing simple strokes like the basic swing (side-to-side motion) the figure 8 (a fluid figure-eight pattern) or the flow (a continuous circular motion) [3]. Practice these strokes before moving onto more advanced patterns.

Pro tip: hang your flogger up after play with tails falling down to keep them from tangling.

Paddles

Sexual spanking with a paddle adds an extra sensory element to your erotic play. Whether you’re engaging in role play or engaging the senses, a paddle can liven things up. A spanking paddle is a single-piece, rectangular implement that produces a sudden single thump when used for spanking. Paddles are typically used on the buttocks. You may want to start with a hand spanking or lightly tap with a paddle before moving on to hard paddling. Try an over-the-knee spank, or have your partner bend over the bed or another piece of furniture. 

Pro tip: different styles of paddle will create varying sensations. Paddles with cutouts or chain details may have more of a “sting,” while solid, heavy paddles may deliver more of a “thud.”

Whips

Whips are generally made of a handle, thong (body of the whip), a single fall and a cracker/popper. Compared to other toys, a whip generally has a smaller striking surface area, meaning it can cause intense, sharp, stinging sensations. Whips can be somewhat difficult to control, and “wrapping” can occur, which is when the tool impacts an unintended part of the body. For these reasons, it’s recommended that you have plenty of practice or training before whipping a partner. 

Pro Tip: because a whip is more likely to break the skin than other toys, keep a first aid kit nearby.

Canes

Canes are an advanced impact play tool. It’s a long, rigid device that might be made out of rattan, bamboo, reed, fiberglass, lucite, carbon fiber, or other materials. Heavier, thicker canes will create more of a thuddy sensation, while light, flexible canes will be more stingy. Cane enthusiasts recommend keeping hits parallel rather than overlapping strikes, and practicing on pillows or cushions before you play with a human. 

Pro Tip: check your cane for splinters, loose fibers or sharp edges before playing. Don’t play with a damaged cane—it could lead to unintended injury.

Tips for Safe Impact Play

It’s not all fun and games—impact play carries a risk of injury, so it should always be done in a “safe, sane, and consensual” manner [1]. Here are some tips for how to safely practice impact play.

Where to Strike

Experts recommend focusing on fleshy, fatty areas of the body such as the butt, thighs, or legs. Some people may also enjoy light tapping of the genitals or breasts. Areas to avoid include the head, neck, ears, stomach, feet, hips, ankles, knees, kidneys, spine, and tailbone, as striking these areas could result in serious injury.

Communication

Clear communication and consent are key when engaging in this type of play. Ask questions before, during, and after play. You may also want to choose a safe word ahead of time, or use a system like the stoplight system for mindful play.

Questions to Ask Before You Begin

  • Do you have any old injuries or high-risk areas?
  • Where do you want to be struck?
  • What do you want to be struck with?
  • Do you bruise easily?
  • How do you feel about marks? If marks are okay, where do you like them?

It’s Okay if It’s Not Your Thing

Like any new interest, you may want to ease into impact play; and at any point you may decide it’s not for you. That’s okay! Don’t be afraid to stop or set boundaries at any time. 

Pick a Safe Word

A safe word is an agreed-upon word, term, or gesture that you or your partner can use to stop a scene when you’re at your limit. A safe word can be anything you choose, as long as everyone knows what it means and what to do when you say it. Example safe words are “Red,” “Unicorn,” “Parachute,” “Pineapple,” “Chicago,” “Spaghetti,” or the dominant partner’s middle name. Pick a word you wouldn’t normally use during sex.

Using a gesture as a safeword, such as snapping your fingers or tapping your partner’s thigh, may be a good choice if one partner might be gagged or otherwise unable to speak. 

The Stoplight System

Instead of a safe word, some people prefer to use the stoplight or traffic light system. 

  • “Green” means you are enthusiastically into what the dominant partner is doing, and you may want the intensity level increased. 
  • “Yellow” means either slow down, let’s take a break or the experience is becoming too intense. The dominant partner will know that the submissive partner is approaching their limit.
  • “Red” means stop or indicates that you’re at your limit.

Make sure to talk with your partner beforehand to clearly define what each color means to you.

Aftercare

It’s important to tend to physical and emotional needs following impact play. The right aftercare will vary person to person, but here are a few ideas for how to wrap up your session:

  • Address any physical injuries like cuts or scrapes. 
  • Refuel your body with snacks and drinks, or snuggle up with a warm blanket and cozy socks. Check in with your partner about how they’re doing.
  • Talk about the scene, or do something pleasantly distracting, like watching a movie or reading a book.

With the right tools, care, communication, and caution, impact play can enrich your relationships and offer incredibly rewarding experiences. Now, grab a flogger and embrace your best, kinkiest life!

[1]https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/bdsm

[2]​​https://sexualhealthalliance.com/nymphomedia-blog/2024/3/14/the-psychology-of-pain-and-pleasure-understanding-bdsm-play

[3]https://www.weloveplugs.com/blog/how-to-use-a-flogger-bdsm-beginners-guide-to-safe-and-sensual-play