“A period doesn’t end nothin’ but a sentence,” “stirring the paint,” “a little extra sauce never hurts.” Our culture has an abundance of phrases celebrating the joys of period sex. None of these phrases, however, touch on the logistics. How do you avoid mess? How do you confront discomfort with blood? And with a potentially lower libido, cramping, and mood swings in the mix, how do you get in the mood at all?
Your period can be a great time to get spicy: increased blood flow to the pelvic region can make stimulation feel especially intense (Columbia.Edu), orgasm may help alleviate those cramps, and menstruation can act as a natural lubricant. Your body still has plenty of capacity for pleasure during your period. Here's how to lean into it.
Preparation
Most bedsheets on the market come in white, which means a key component in being prepared is being proactive, to minimize clean-up later. If you want to think beyond towels, there are waterproof/leakproof mats available that come in darker colors, designed specifically for this reason.
Another way to avoid mess is to keep period blood away from sexual activity. You can do this by using a single-use period sponge, a menstrual disk, or a female condom, which create a barrier between blood and anything penetrating the vagina. Sponges, disks and female condoms are the best methods of containing one’s period safely during penetrative sex (so don't go for a tampon or menstrual cup). Once properly inserted, a sponge or disk should be virtually undetectable to the penetrating partner.
It's also worth having a conversation with your partner about your feelings before diving in. Two things can be true at once: you can be personally uncomfortable with period sex and decide to opt out, and also acknowledge that periods aren’t “dirty” or “gross,” they’re natural. And if you do decide to proceed, talk through the logistics together: how much blood each of you is comfortable with. Decide what kind of sex you’ll be having from there.
During
Be sure to start slow, and check in with one another. Communication is the best way to ensure both partners are comfortable, especially if period sex or any of the aforementioned tools are new to you. Simple questions like "Does this feel good?" or "Let me know if you need us to pause" go a long way.
If you’re not quite comfortable with penetration during a period, outercourse is always a great option. Outercourse means sexual activity that doesn’t involve penetration: think oral sex, fingering, hand jobs, kissing and caressing your partner’s erogenous zones.
After Period Sex
“Aftercare” is a term that refers to the care and support partners offer each other following sex. The term originated in BDSM communities to address the intense emotions and hormones affecting the brain that might cause a crash after a scene, maybe even sadness. But the underlying need isn't exclusive to BDSM. Oxytocin and dopamine rise during sex of all kinds (PubMed) and can dip afterward, which means feeling cared for in the aftermath matters regardless of the type of play or the nature of the relationship. Some common aftercare practices include cuddles, drinking water, and continued communication.
And because period sex can still be messy despite the best of preparation, you may want to shower or use bodysafe wipes afterwards.